Basket Case

“You ready?” Jake nodded. Lucy reached for his hand, and he hesitated.

“Hey, hey, hey. Relax,” she smiled and held his hand up to her face. “Let’s go home, Jake, okay?”

She pushed open the door, and he squinted in the sunlight. He could feel the heat on his skin, and the birds chirped a familiar tune from their perches in the parking lot trees. It’s not like he hadn’t been outside in the past 6 weeks, but the sun outside the hospital, with Lucy, felt brighter – more real. He had always felt lost without Lucy, but now, with her hand in his, he felt less fake, more like himself. As she led him to the car, he allowed himself to be excited. He was going home. Everything would be normal again.

The drive home was comfortably silent. Lucy had hardly put the car into park before she leaned across the gearstick and held Jake’s face in her hands, looking him in the eyes as he reached up to place his hands over hers. 

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too.”

“You have no clue how hard it’s been here without you.”

“I’m sorry.”

Lucy squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. “No, do not… don’t be sorry. You don’t have to be sorry. Just… please don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.”

“I love you. I need you.”

“I love you too.” He swallowed back the urge to tell her that he needed her too, that he needed her more, that without her… but he didn’t have to say it. She knew. Lucy leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his lips, and he was reaching for her face when a knock on the window sent them both flying back in their seats.

“Hi, dearies! Sorry to startle!” Mrs Dodson’s muffled voice was just as high-pitched as Jake remembered. 

“It’s alright, Mrs D!” Lucy called out as she pushed the car door open. 

“It’s so good to see you home, Jake. Poor Lucy has been so sad without you. I’ve brought over a few casseroles-”

“Which were delicious!”

“Ah, thank you, dear!” she blushed. “Well, anyway, it’s good to have you back and out of that place. Every time I drove by I thought of you all locked up in there-”

“It wasn’t so bad Mrs. D.”

“Ah, of course not, I mean that’s you anyway, always the optimist,” she chuckled  as she followed them slowly towards the front door of the apartment. “My nephew was in one of those facilities last year, such a sweet boy but troubled, you know, and he was always complaining about the food-”

“Crazy you mention that Mrs D, I was just saying to Jake that he needed to try some of the leftover ham and potato casserole you brought over the other day, after all that hospital food.”

“Oh!” Mrs D beamed. “Well then, better get inside and get that warmed up. If you put it in the microwave for 2 minutes-”

“Thank you so much, Mrs D!”

“-I can make another one next week!”

“Please do! We’ll see you later!”

Lucy waved as she politely shut the door on their neighbour’s babble. Jake let out a breath as Lucy laughed. 

“What a whirlwind that woman is. Did you miss her?”

“A lot, actually,” Jake said, and he meant it. 

****

Jake dragged his fingers up and down Lucy’s back as she rested her head on his chest. He had missed lying next to her like this, warm and comfortable, not speaking, just enjoying each other. After a few minutes, Lucy propped herself on her side and looked at Jake’s face. 

“Hey, I forgot to mention earlier, your mom invited us to have dinner on Saturday night. She told me to promise you it wouldn’t be weird, they just wanna see you.”

Jake shifted, his face scrunching with indecision.

“It has been a while,” Lucy pointed out.

“Who all is gonna be there?”

Lucy hesitated. “Everyone, I think.”

Jake rolled onto his side, facing away from Lucy. 

“Hey, listen. If you don’t want to, I can tell your mom-”

“No, I wanna go. I’m just…”

“You don’t need to be nervous, Jake. Nothing is gonna happen. Nobody is gonna say anything.”

Jake laughed slightly. “You’ve met my dad. And Dalton.”

“Yeah,” Lucy sighed, “and they can be, uh-”

“Assholes.”

“I was gonna say difficult. But yeah, assholes.” She pulled herself towards Jake and rested her head on his shoulder, running a hand gently through his hair. “But I’ll be there to set ‘em straight if they say anything.” Lucy punched the air above the bed, making sounds of imaginary impact with unseen villains. 

Jake smiled despite himself. Running a hand through his hair, he sighed again. “Alright. If you’re sure everything will be ok.” He paused, then added, “It’ll be nice to see everyone again.”

Lucy smiled and kissed him quickly. “Alright. I’ll call your mom.” She laid on her back and stretched her arms out above her head. “It’ll be good to see your family. I’m sure it’ll be alright.” 

“Yeah. I hope so,” Jake said, and he meant it. 

****

The car ride to Jake’s childhood home was silent, aside from the pump-up playlist Lucy had insisted on blasting from the weak Bluetooth of the car. They pulled into the driveway just as Freddy Mercury was asserting that he was a champion. Jake felt less convinced, but he appreciated Lucy’s attempt to lighten his mood. 

Jake’s mother was outside the front door before he had even had a chance to step out of the car. Despite his hesitations, he was happy to see her. Her hair was greyer than the last time he had visited, and her face was etched with a few more lines, but she still had the same bright smile and warm arms that had comforted him from his father’s rage as a child. She was at his door in a few seconds, and Jake was enveloped in her arms. He breathed in the vanilla of her perfume as he hugged her back, trying to avoid catching his hands in the loops of the apron she was wearing.

“Oh, my Jakey. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too, Mom.”

His mother stepped back, looking Jake up and down as if to check him for injuries after one of his childhood soccer games, then, satisfied that her son was healthy, breathed a contented sigh. 

“Well!” She clapped her hands together. “Let’s go inside. Oh, come here, Lucy dear I almost forgot about you!” She chuckled as she moved to embrace Lucy. 

“Hey, Patty, it’s good to see you.”

“Oh, my little girl,” she smiled as she squeezed Lucy in her warm arms. Jake couldn’t help but smile; Lucy was like the daughter his mom had never had. He used to joke that if they ever broke up, his mom would take Lucy in and disown him. His mom had always reassured him that she would at least find him a suitable adoptive family first.

The three of them made their way into the living room, where Jake’s brother Dalton sat watching baseball on the couch. Dalton looked up as they entered. Jake thought he saw a look of relief in his brother’s eyes, but it faded quickly in favour of Dalton’s usual bored indifference.

“‘Sup man. Welcome back.”

“Thanks, man.”

Jake could probably count the number of real conversations he had ever had with Dalton on one hand. They had never been close- mostly because their father had always made his preference for Dalton clear. Jake used to think about how different their childhood might’ve been if he hadn’t been forced to compete with his brother for their father’s approval, but his therapist told him this wasn’t a productive line of thought. So he tried to let it go.

“Dinner is almost ready,” his mother called from the kitchen, where she was having Lucy taste whatever she had made for dessert. Jake could see Lucy shaking her head through the doorway, probably reassuring his mother that she didn’t need to adjust the flavours. Jake moved to join them in the kitchen as he heard footsteps sounding from up the stairs. 

“Hey Dad, Jake’s here,” Dalton called without removing his eyes from the screen.

The steps began to move towards the stairs. Jake debated whether he should sit with his brother or try and move into the kitchen before his father reached the living room. 

“Dalton, will you set the table?” his mom called over the sound of the oven fan.

“Why can’t Jake do it? The game is almost over anyway.”

“Jake is visiting. And I asked you, dear.”

Jake was still hovering near the door in indecision as his father’s footsteps reached the bottom of the staircase.

“Ah, let Jake do it. He’s better at the girly chores anyway.”

Jake hadn’t expected a warm welcome from his father, but he had let himself believe he might get a hello or even a pat on the shoulder. He felt stupid for expecting anything more than usual. Silently, he moved towards the kitchen, only briefly making eye contact with his father before he moved to sit with Dalton on the couch. Jake pulled the utensils from the uneven wooden drawers as his mom mouthed, sorry, hun. 

Dinner was on the table just as the baseball game ended. It was a timing that his mother had perfected years ago- put the food out early and it’s all complaints about how cold it is, late and she’s trying to starve them. Lucy squeezed Jake’s hand under the table as he sat, and he tried to steel himself. His plan was to eat, say as little as possible, help his mother clean up, and go home. He hoped it would be that simple.

“So Jake,” his mother passed a bowl of mashed potatoes to Dalton, who in turn passed them towards their father. “How are you feeling?”

Jake scooped peas onto his plate. 

“A lot better.”

“You had better,” his father said, skewering a piece of chicken with his fork, “given the amount of money we spent on that place.”

“Peter,” Jake’s mom frowned at him from across the table. Then she returned her gaze to Jake. “We’re just glad you’re doing alright now. We were all so worried.”

Dalton snickered slightly, glancing at their father from the corner of his eye. When he said nothing, Dalton spoke up.

“You had Mom real worried. She was pestering Dad all the time, asking if you were gonna be okay.”

“As if I should know,” their father added. “I kept saying if my son wants to go off and do something stupid and get himself killed, that’s his choice.”

“Peter.” Jake’s mother was glaring now, and Lucy rubbed her thumb over Jake’s knuckles underneath the table.

“It’s ok, Mom. The potatoes are really good.”

“Thank you, hun,” his mother leant back, then turned her attention to Lucy. “Lucy dear, how’s that new job going?”

Lucy swallowed a piece of chicken, then smiled. “Oh, I love it. The kids at the new school are so sweet. One of the first-grade classes even wrote me a little welcome card.”

“Oh, how precious!” Jake’s mom beamed.

“Jake, pass the gravy?” Dalton spoke from a mouthful of potatoes. Jake handed the gravy boat to his brother.

“How much are teachers making these days?” Jake’s dad asked without looking up.

“Oh, uh, I mean, it’s not the greatest, with all the budget cuts and all, but it’s, uh, enough. I mean, Jake works too so, ya know, we’re good.”

“Humph,” Jake’s dad sliced another piece of chicken. “If they let him back after all that time off.”

“It was medical, Dad,” Jake said softly. “I’m already approved to go back-”

“I’d hardly call it medical,” his dad set his fork on the table and looked at Jake. “Medical leave is when you break your neck. Not when you’re busy being a pussy.”

“Peter!” Jake’s mother banged her fork onto the table, then flinched. She took a deep breath, then lowered her voice. “That’s enough. We’re just glad you’re okay now, Jake.”

The table was silent for a moment, then Lucy cleared her throat. 

“Uh, the high school where I used to work is doing a new mental health campaign. I told Jake he should go speak to some of the organisers about, ya know…” she trailed off as Jake shook his head lightly.

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” his mom exclaimed.

“Yeah, Jake can go teach some teenagers the easiest way to get a bottle of pills down ‘em,” Dalton snickered, glancing at their father again.

Lucy stood up abruptly, the clattering of the plates on the table causing everyone to look up at her. 

“Shut up, Dalton. Can’t you just be happy that your brother is alright?”

“Don’t tell my son to shut up, girl,” Jake’s father glared at Lucy, who was ignoring Jake’s desperate urges for her to sit down. 

“I’ll do you one better, Peter. I’ll tell you to shut up. Why can’t you just be happy, or at least not be a miserable asshole.”

Everyone was silent. Lucy’s eyes flickered with the recognition of what she had said, and she began to stutter out an apology.

“Look, I’m sorry, I just, uh-”

Jake’s father stood up, and the room held its breath. Jake felt like he was thirteen again, awaiting a barrage of rage from his father’s mouth. 

“Get out of my house, bitch. I don’t wanna see you here again.”

“Peter-”

“Patty, shut up. Jake, take your little bitch and leave. Now.”

Jake’s mom put a hand over her mouth, trying to silence her sobs. Even after all these years, it’s the one skill she couldn’t perfect. Lucy snatched her jacket from the back of her chair.

“Patty, I’m sorry. The meal was really great.”

“Did I say linger and chat with my wife?” Jake’s dad began to make his way around the table towards Lucy. “No, I said leave.”

Before he could register what he was doing, Jake shot up from his seat, standing between Lucy and his father.

“Don’t you dare touch her,” he said, his voice shaking.

His father laughed. “D-d-d0n’t touch her!” he cried in a mocking, high-pitched voice. Then, he stepped forward. 

“Get the fuck out of my house,” he said flatly, pushing Jake’s chest. 

Jake stumbled, and he heard his mom call out as he pulled his fist back. His punch landed solidly on his father’s temple, and everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Jake could barely hear Lucy calling his name, and he hardly registered Dalton running around the side of the table to reach him. He pulled back his arm to hit again, wanting nothing more than to see his father fall to the floor. Just this once, maybe he could win the fight.

His elbow collided with something. Jake looked back to see Lucy stumbling backwards, holding onto her eye. She tripped on the chair behind her, and before anybody could move, her head had collided with the smooth linoleum of the kitchen floor. 

Everybody was silent. Jake’s mother knelt down, helping Lucy sit up and rubbing her head. Jake watched Lucy wipe a small drop of blood from her eyebrow. He felt numb, all the adrenaline draining from his body. Lucy looked up at him, her face softening as she saw the panic in his eyes.

“Jake, hey, it’s ok. I’m ok.”

“Yes, sweetheart, it was an accident. It’s ok,” his mother began to stand and move towards him, but Jake backed up. He felt sick. He pushed past his dad, grabbing the car keys from the coffee table and ignoring Lucy’s pleas for him to stop.

He had to leave. He had ruined everything. He had hurt Lucy. 

How could he be sure he hadn’t meant it?

****

Jake drove until the sun peeked over the horizon. He felt as though he were watching himself from outside his body. He had no idea where he was going- his mind just repeated you have to leave. You have to get away.

The pink hues of the rising sun were beautiful, and Jake felt sick looking at them. He pulled the car off the road and into the parking lot of a random park far from his and Lucy’s house. He wanted to go home, to hold Lucy and let her tell him that everything was okay, but he knew he couldn’t. He didn’t even have time to cry before his eyes began to droop and he fell asleep with his head slumped over the steering wheel.

He awoke to a knock on the car window. It was Lucy. In the rearview, Jake could see her car parked a few feet behind him. 

“Fuck,” Jake whispered, as Lucy tugged on the car door. It popped open, and Lucy threw herself into the car, wrapping herself around Jake before rubbing her hands up and down his arms.

“Jake, oh my god. Are you hurt?”

“How did you find me?” 

Lucy let out a sigh before embracing him again. “We had no idea where you’d gone, but your mom tracked your phone. I was so worried Jake, I thought-”

“Yeah, you thought I’d tried to off myself again.” Tears began to stream from Jake’s eyes. “Wish I had. You’d be better off.”

“Jake,” Lucy nearly yelled, then softened. “Listen to me. It was an accident. You are not your father.”

“But I-”

“Jake, just listen to me.” Lucy choked back her tears. “Did your father ever feel guilty about what he did to your mother? Or you? Huh? Did- did he ever run and hide because he was afraid of hurting the people he loved? He’s- he’s shit, Jake. You aren’t him.”

Jake was silent.

“He’s a shitbag. You are nothing like him. It was an accident. I’m not even hurt, Jake. You know you would never hurt me on purpose.”

“But-”

“Jake,” she was crying now, “I love you so much. You’re so kind and- and you would never hurt me, you would never hurt your family. I just need you to come home with me now. I want you to come home, okay?”

Jake hesitated, then slowly stood from the seat. Lucy wrapped her arms around him.

“I’m sorry, Lucy.”

“I don’t need an apology. I need you. That’s all I need, Jake.”

Lucy stepped away, wiped the tears from both their faces and laughed softly.

“You’re never getting away from me, Jake. I love you. I love you so much.”

Jake allowed himself a small smile as he rounded the car to the passenger seat. Lucy’s words rang through his mind.

I need you. That’s all I need, Jake.

For the first time, he knew she meant it.